The Most Interesting Predicaments
by QueenKit
Summary: Full Title: My Baka Deshi Gets Into the Most Interesting Predicaments A couple of one shot events where Hiko finds his Baka Deshi in the most interesting situations.
1. Sake

**Disclaimer: **The characters of Ruroni Kenshin do not belong to me.

_'__blah__'_ thoughts

**Sake**

Hiko had been experiencing an uneasy feeling ever since he left the hut to go into town to get supplies. He had had to leave his Baka Deshi, Kenshin, back home because he was going out to do some of his more questionable business. As he approached the hut he realized what had been causing his uneasy feeling.

_'My __Baka__Deshi__ sense is tingling. My __Deshi__ must be doing something stupid.'_

He hastened to get to the cabin to see what trouble his new Deshi was into now. The sight that met his eyes when he opened the door at first seemed promising.

_'Perhaps I was worried about nothing.'_

But then his Baka Deshi turned around and giving him a vacant smile said, "S-Shishou," The word sounding suspiciously slurred, "Isn't it a lovely day?"

Now Hiko knew there was something wrong. His Baka Deshi knew he was supposed to be outside practicing and that Hiko would be angry to see him inside. Hiko gave him a dark look, "Who are you and what have you done with my Baka Deshi?"

"I-I-I am Ken-Ken-Ken- your Deshi." The words were more obviously slurred now.

"Baka Deshi are you Drunk?!"

"No." he managed before he hiccuped and began to giggle. Seeing Hiko's stern look he added, "I swear to drunk I'm not Kami-sama." With a determined nod.

"Baka Deshi, there's a reason I said you weren't allowed to get into the Sake."

"But the future me came and told me to because-because-because," he hiccuped, "The future's gonna suck when I get older."

"Baka Deshi. That's not possible."

At this point his Baka Deshi seemed to realize that he had admitted to getting into the sake and turned around in his chair to try and recover the situation. It was obvious that his reactions were delayed.

"I mean…" he giggled, "I didn't get into the Sake. Not at all." He shook his head before swaying dizzily.

"Baka Deshi the Sake cup is in your hand."

Kenshin looked down at the betraying hand. "Oh."

Hiko sighed as he set about getting his Baka Deshi settled down. He wouldn't envy the hangover the boy was going to have in the morning.


	2. Missing

**Disclaimer:** None of the characters from Ruroni Kenshin belong to me. This is also a very slight Detective crossover one so I should probably acknowledge that that doesn't belong to me either.

**Missing**

Hiko had received the letter several days ago informing him that his Baka Deshi had gone missing from the Kamiya Dojo. No one quite knew what happened to him after he left in that freak storm the other day. As much as Hiko's Deshi could be a Baka he was concerned that he would just disappear with no word to the Kamiya girl. That was why he had decided to leave his mountain for a little while to go and aid in the search.

He knocked on the door in the properly intimidating manor and waited for the door to open. When the door opened he was greeted to an unexpected sight. A miniature Kenshin opened the door for him. The mini Kenshin got a frightened expression on his face before quickly saying.

"Hello, welcome to the Kamiya Dojo," and then calling over his shoulder, "Kamiya-san! I think the guest you were expecting is here!"

The Kamiya girl suddenly appeared from around a corner and hurried over. "Hiko-san! Thank goodness you're here." Then she seemed to notice the Mini Kenshin. "Oh Shinta-kun, that's right you haven't met Hiko-san. He was your father's Shishou."

"Pleased you meet you, Hiko-san."

"Pleased to meet you Shinta-kun."

When the Kamiya girl turned around I gave "Shinta-kun" a harsh look. He certainly had some explaining to do. As soon as she turned back the look was gone.

"Shinta-kun I have to finish up Yahiko-kun's training session. Why don't you get acquainted with Hiko-san until I'm done?"

"Ok Kamiya-san. Why don't you follow me Hiko-san and we can sit under the trees."

I just nodded to his suggestion. It was apparent that he wanted to keep some sort of secret, but I knew from his Ki that this was my Baka Deshi.

"So what's going on around here 'Shinta-kun'?"

He sighed. "Well first of all, as you've realized I don't want Kamiya-dono to realize that it's me. I don't know how she would take the information. My cover story is that I'm Shinta Himura, son of Kenshin and Tomoe and that my father Kenshin was told that I died while I was hidden. I finally managed to track him down and came here just missing him."

"What happened, Baka Deshi? You're stalling."

"I guess I ought to start from the beginning… Well I'm sure you heard about the freak storm the other day?" I nodded and Kenshin sighed. "Well I had been out shopping to get Kamiya-dono's groceries when it hit. I had just finished the shopping so I decided to head home and I ended up stumbling into another world. Apparently they were testing new technology to dimension travel and that caused the storm on our end."

Rather than expressing my incredulousness I just nod at him to continue.

"When I stumbled onto the men they seemed to decide that I was a threat to what they were doing and before I managed to get the Sakabato they hit me on the head. While I was unconscious they fed me a strange pill and that is how I became how you see me now."

I just sighed. "Baka Deshi, your story isn't going to fool anyone you knew during the Bakumatsu."

"Oro?"

"Everyone knows that you and Tomoe didn't have a kid in that time."

"ORO! But, Shishou! How do you know that Tomoe and I never had a Kid? You weren't there!"

"I didn't get my title of Gossip Master of the Gossip Mongers Club for nothing you know."

"Orororororo…"

I scoffed at him. "I couldn't possibly have let you go off without being able to know what was going on! It is imperative that I have all the best gossip on my Baka Deshi! There are a lot of Waitresses and Prostitutes in the Gossip Mongers Club. Who do you think your army buddies talked to when they were drunk?"

"B-but Shishou! No one else knew anything about what Tomoe and I did!"

"Idiot! There isn't one secret in this world that isn't known by at least one other person than the secret keeper!"

"How come no one seems to have anything on you then Shishou?"

"Because I, as Gossip Master, can retaliate. I have more on them than they have on me. _That_ is why I am the Gossip Master."

"Orooooo."

"I think I'm going to be staying for a while."

"ORO!"

"All the chaos that's sure to be coming should be fun."

"S-Shishou!"

"And of course I have stay to look for Kenshin. It might be appropriate if I keep an eye on his son." I said nodding. "After all it's the least I can do for my Baka Deshi."

The Kamiya girl was just arrived in time to hear me say that I was going to stay to look for my Baka Deshi and that I would look after his son. "What a great idea Hiko-san!"

My Baka Deshi just quietly glowered. This was going to be fun.


	3. Cooking Fiasco

**Disclaimer: **None of the characters of Ruroni Kenshin belong to me.

**Cooking Fiasco**

Once again I, Hiko Sejiro the thirteenth, was off to do some of my more questionable business and I had to leave my Baka Deshi at the hut alone. It was always a bad idea, but it was slightly better than the alternative. My so called questionable business was picking up women. Yes my Baka Deshi had been incredibly annoying and I needed a night on the town for some fun. I used to be able to take them home before my Baka Deshi scared them off. Idiot couldn't just go and do his practice like he was supposed to.

I was returning to my mountain refreshed from the night's activities when I felt it. My Baka Deshi Sense was tingling again. That certainly never boded well for what I might find when I returned home. I quickened my pace hoping that I could get there in time to avoid a complete disaster. Unfortunately I feared that, as my sense was tingling, I was probably already too late.

Opening the door I saw that my Baka Deshi appeared to be in the kitchen. Yes this was certainly a bad sign. I haven't gotten to teach my Baka Deshi to cook yet. All I had asked him to do the one and only other time I allowed him in the kitchen was to boil water. Somehow my Baka Deshi managed to mess even that simple a task up.

This time was worse, so much worse. As I got closer the first thing I noticed was the smell. It was a combination of burnt fish and something else that I couldn't quite identify. Then I actually arrived at the scene of the crime to find my Baka Deshi covered in rice, wasabi, and soy sauce. And I didn't even want to know how the tofu got into his hair. And then there were the dishes. Dirty dishes covered every inch of the room and- WAIT WAS THAT MY FAVORITE SAKE JUG?! Yes, it was indeed my unfortunate Sake jug smashed into a million pieces on the floor.

With everything else that my poor kitchen had suffered I hadn't even taken full note of the soot. It was everywhere, but it looked like the fire that caused it was out.

"Baka Deshi."

"Sh-shishou!"

"What did you do?"

"I-I was trying to make dinner. You forgot to leave me anything to eat when you left because you were in such a hurry. So I decided to try and make dinner for myself, but then when I was cooking the fish it lit on fire and I fell off the stool. When I went to put out the fire I accidentally grabbed your Sake jug and I dropped it because it made the fire get higher. When I finally managed to put the fire out I decided I would just try to make myself some rice balls, but I kept burning the rice."

Oh dear, I'm going to have to teach my Baka Deshi to cook and soon. "And then…"

"Well I stopped trying, but I was really hungry this morning so I caught another fish and well." His head drooped. I knew that wasn't the full story, but I wasn't going to press him for it. It wasn't worth it.

"Baka Deshi."

"Ha-hai."

"Get out of the kitchen."

"Hai!" He squeaked hurrying out of the kitchen.

I certainly couldn't understand why my Deshi had to be such a Baka. My poor kitchen… And my Sake jug. That was the last straw. I was going to train my Baka Deshi in the Hiten Mitsurugi Style of Cooking. Kenshin would be bruised and burned by the time he finished, but when I was through with him I would make sure that the boy knew there was more to Hiten Mitsurugi then sword fighting.

Hiten Mitsurugi was the art of practicing perfection and diligence in every aspect of life. Yes, when my Baka Deshi leaves here he will not just be a swordsman. He'll be a damn fine homemaker too. I went through the same type of training. How do you think I became such a master alcoholic and gossiper?!

_**Beta Note: Masters…of everything? mind goes off on tangent in gutter**_

_**AN: BAKA BETA! MIND OUT OF GUTTER!**_


	4. Missing Universe Revisited

**Missing Revisited.**

**Disclaimer:** The characters from Ruroni Kenshin and Detective Conan do not belong to me.**  
**

**AN:** A couple more shorts from the Missing Universe.

_Chibi's_

Hiko needed to talk to "Shinta" alone, but at this time of year it was impossible at the Dojo. The flurry of spring cleaning brought the others to every secluded corner of the grounds and interrupted every discussion. Hiko longed for his mountain so he finally told the Kamiya girl that he was taking his Baka Deshi's son to his mountain for special training. Unfortunately Hiko was not going to be able to find peace there either.

The next day his Baka Deshi got caught in another of the freak storms and this time he returned with five little shadows.

"Shishou, these five are Conan Edogawa, Ai Haibara, Ayumi, Mitsuhiko, and Genta from the other world. Conan-kun and Ai-chan have also had the strange pill."

"What do you want from me?" Hiko asked looking suspiciously at the three normal children bouncing around Kenshin and the other two de-aged people. He shuddered; with the whole group there it looked like some sort of Attack of the Chibis.

"Shishou, who's going to take care of them while they're here?"

It was then that Hiko realized that his Baka Deshi wanted him to take the responsibility for the children. He wanted this to be Hiko's problem.

"They're your responsibility then Baka Deshi."

"Sh-Shishou." Kenshin wimpered.

The children clamored around him. There was too much noise on his mountain now.

"We're going back to the dojo, Baka Deshi. I will be away for a week though. I need my mountain time."

_Aptoxin-4871_

Several weeks after the five dimension travelers arrived; Ai stepped out of her improvised lab and announced that she thought she may have made a breakthrough and then dragged by Baka Deshi into the lab to test it. We waited for about an hour before my Baka Deshi finally emerged. His head was down and he was the picture of utmost humiliation. I also noticed that his arms were crossed over his chest. Then Ai emerged.

"It appears I was slightly off, but I believe the effects will wear off soon enough. You'll be a child again Himura-kun, but you will regain full masculinity and it should have no ill effects on your fertility."

Even I couldn't hold back my laughter. It appeared that my Baka Deshi was in yet another most interesting predicament.


End file.
